2011

Hi, 

I haven't been really active in writing blogs for a long time now, mainly due to the huge workload! Though that has been good on the financial front and created some much needed mental stimulation, it greatly impacted my ability to relax. There was a constant itch to check mails "Has the client reverted!!", my heart beat increased each time I read "INBOX (1)" and I bestowed more attention to my laptop than my son. He started treating the laptop as an unwanted sibling, constantly bickering, accusing and questioning my love. 

I was also unhappy with myself, I desperately wanted to read books, watch serials (yes, I am one of those women!!), indulge in meaningless yet greatly gratifying shopping.....basically I wanted to work, but also enjoy the joys of being a housewife :) Ummmm, I am not really into pampering myself at beauty parlours, beyond the essentials. 

I wondered whether I was that much of a workaholic when I was working full time. But then, I didn't have 'a school going 4 year old' and all the time consuming things that term stands for. Homework, swimming classes, birthday parties, shopping (for his essentials) and socializing with his friends' mothers (to ensure HE has a good social life). Though my son is an angel, he allows me to watch TV, read books (I can manage half a page without interruption), the need to just let myself be, was immense. 

One weekend, with a minuscule workload, I forced myself to finish Paths of Glory, watch brainless movies and be with the family. My fingers were itching to open the laptop, check my e mails (I did, but on my husband's phone), but then remembered my son's accusations "You never ever play with me, you are always working on laptop, one day I am going to throw your laptop into the swimming pool"! And, I liked that unproductive time spent, one of my best weekends with my family, after a long time. 

With work being low and a vacation coming up, I am now back to blogging :) 

Keep watching this space......

Holidays

My son is having his summer holidays and is really enjoying the break in routine. He gets up at any time he wants to, sleeps as late as his eyes can remain open, somedays he skips bath! Sometimes he does get bored, he misses his friends! That is when he wants to go to school and cannot understand why the holidays have stretched over so many days. 

Nowadays, especially for small children, the meaning of holidays has changed. It now represents a time for the young children to learn something new, join summer camps, some sports activities. Or revising what has been learnt in the academic year, like a refresher course. It represents a lot of headache for the mothers, when children are at home (hmmm, I DO understand how acute it can be); so mothers try to find various options to shoo the kids out of home. 

I feel that these connotations have changed  largely due to 2 things. One is the social breakdown of the joint family system and the single child syndrome. The obvious difference is that now there are lesser children per se to play with. But more importantly, the inherent tolerance our parents had for varied cousins, adjustments to their home/space/food habits, respect for others etc, is now  rare. They could not only interact, but also enjoy in any circumstance. Whereas, we are intolerant of many things and so restrict our child to only few companions, spaces and activities.

In the hols, if these companions are not there, the child is left with no company.....cousins are also few and far between. The shrinking global world has ensured that to hope cousins  would be in the same city is heaven; to be in the same country also, is not so practical! Here come the summer camps to provide some human relief in the virtual play world of today's child. 

The other thing is that though we all like to pose as being carefree about grades, to keep with the trend of TZP, 3 Idiots and the current education minister's thoughts. But we are just that......posers! Mothers especially, do not want to let go of the opportunity to either ensure the child studies (what has been taught and what WILL be taught), or broadens his/her horizons by developing some hobby. This may not be what the child is interested in; it is what is available, economical and what is 'in'! 

The holidays therefore, are not so carefree, boundary less, bonding time with family. These are more about structured activities, interacting under set rules and timings, learning useful things. Sounds more like an  extension of school? No harm in doing so. 

Yet, we forget that small children are like sponges. They absorb from everywhere, even their normal playtime is constructive. Young children playing on their own can create an entire animated world, through role play. Structuring their imagination at an early age could mean  limiting the future creativity they could possess. 

Ciao

A Nigerian wedding

Hi,

On Saturday, we got the opportunity to attend a Nigerian wedding reception. It was of my husband’s colleague, Austin. Deciding what to wear was not an issue for me; my best salwar kameez was the only choice, since I do not own any formal western wear. I thought husband would wear a suit, but he opted for a kurta pajama instead. I was quite skeptical about it, but thought, okay let him stick out amongst all the suited booted men. JJ

But, we all stuck out, since we were the only non Nigerians in the gathering; everyone was staring at us. The cameraman and video man were repeatedly clicking/shooting us. (We didn’t get so much attention at our own wedding) Everyone around was wearing the Nigerian traditional dress. For men, this is the same as the Indian kurta pajama, except that both the upper and lower are of the same material. So husband dear, blended with them. For women, the blouse is at waist level; while, the skirt is a tight one (almost like wearing a blouse and a petticoat). Most of the women were wearing turbans. All the 3 clothing items were of the same material. (Think of the trouble we go through finding the matching blouse on the sari)

There was a MC for the event. His role was to introduce everyone, instruct them to dance, keep the mood enjoyable with his innuendos and time and again, thank the Lord. At the start of the ceremony, the MC called upon 6-7 important people, to the dais. First, was the most important person in the gathering, in terms of designation (and therefore money and power). This was the Chairman of some company (I couldn’t catch the name), most impressive looking. Next came the parents of the bride. Music played, her parents, alongwith other close relatives, sang and danced their way to the stage. The bride’s parents were wearing outfits, of the same material. All the girl’s side relatives were wearing the same outfit! One glance at them, and we could make out they were from the girl’s side. Can you imagine doing this in India? JJ

The boy’s side made their way to the dais similarly; with their relatives rallying around them. In the end, came the oldest man of the clan and his wife. Theirs was a more tame entry. Finally, the ‘newest couple’ (as the MC was announcing time and again) made their way to the stage. Their entourage consisted of the best man and bridesmaid, and many bridesmaids. Like India, the ‘newest couple’ sat on huge arm chairs, happily chatting with each other. (unlike Indian brides, who don’t raise their heads)

The MC then called upon the Chairman to say a few words. These basically consisted of advising Austin to take care of Dupe; advising Dupe to always respect Austin; advising both, not to run to their mothers, in case of arguments. He reminded me of our pundits, who give such gyaan (advice) when they are telling about the saat vachans (seven vows). At this point, food was served. There was no buffet system, the waiter brought plates of food to the tables. The head waitress sent us apples and then herself came to ask us if we would have vegetarian salad. I assume, Austin must have earlier instructed them to serve us vegetarian food. Very sweet of him I must say.

There was a lot of dancing that happened, Dupe danced with Austin’s brother. Then, Austin danced with his elder sister. Then the thing N was waiting for…..the cake cutting. The MC called upon the Chairman, Austin’s elder sister, marketing manager of Guinness and my husband (“Our Indian friend” he called him!!!) to gather around the cake and watch Austin and Dupe cut the cake. The MC screamed into the mike saying “Justice has been done, justice has been done!!!” (?????) Once the couple did the deed, the others were handed the mike one by one and asked to comment on the same!! Strange right? People commented saying it was done in perfect harmony, there was a lot of justice in the way it was cut etc etc etc…….

Dupe was made to give cake and wine to Austin and vice versa. Dupe bend while giving the cake to Austin. I don’t know why, maybe that is a way of showing respect. But, it was a cue for the MC to make a lot of sexual innuendos. I don’t know about her, but my Indian mentality was getting scandalized! We left shortly post this (no, not because we were outraged!!!!), N was getting cranky. The party continued till late evening.

It was a very nice experience; I could draw parallels to Indian weddings, though there were some stark contrasts too. In our weddings, the blood relatives get more importance, than the most influential person. And no one dares to wear the same outfit!! JJ

While going, many women called out to me “Oebo, Oebo, bye bye” (Oebo = white man). One thing about Nigerians, they will never make you feel like an outsider. God bless Austin and Dupe.

(I tried to click some snaps, but there were too many cameramen around)

The bride and groom

The groom's side entourage

The hall and the women in white are all from the girl's side

The bridesmaids

Control, control, control!

Hi, 

Recently, my son started swimming classes, worth NGN 1k (=333 INR) for each class. The cost did not pinch us at all, after all, we really wanted him to learn how to swim. He enjoys it and modesty apart, is learning fast. Usually, there are around 7-8 children in the pool with him. Since we are in Nigeria, most are Nigerians. 

Most of these local children, even those as young as my son (3 years), come with their nannies. Some are accompanied by their mothers, only till she changes them; after which, they are in the able hands of the instructor. I always accompany my son and keep an eagle eye on him AND the instructor. Not only that, time and again, I scream out instructions to my son "Go that side, show me you can do it", "Move your hands also, not only your legs" (and vice versa). I am not sure whether he can hear me from that far, but I get pleased that I have done my duty as an encouraging mom! 

My knowledge of swimming is minuscule. I started learning with N and I can manage to move only with a float. Yet, this does not deter me from instructing the instructor, what he should teach my son; question him as to why he himself isn't going in the water; doubting him when he says N is tired. 

I wonder why I need to have all the reins in my hands, N's, the instructor's....? It cannot be because I do not trust the instructor. It definitely is not because I know more. So what is it? Probably VFM? You may ask.....VFM? This is about emotions!! I desire that N should learn in the 12 classes I paid for......I push him to try more...stretch till the full one hour (if he does more, WOW!!). I have already decided not to pay for more classes, so i push the instructor into water (not literally!!!) each class. 

Does a Nigerian mother not desire VFM? How does she delegate control to a stranger, albeit an expert? Hmmm, some food for thought. After all, most of the Nigerian children can swim better or at par with N. 

Ciao

Facebook versus Twitter

Hi, 

Twitter has been in the news for sometime now, basically talking about what X celebrity 'tweeted' and the counter effect seen by other celebrities' 'tweets'. Given the recent developments, Twitter, I think has become a victim of disdain, outrage and curiosity. After all, it dared to raise doubts about India's greatest passion....cricket. Okay, maybe not Twitter per se, but some people through it. 

I am not on Twitter, so I cannot understand why it has become such a popular means of attacking, counter attacking others; why news channels (English news channels to be specific), quote from Twitter; why 'tweeting' has become a social lingo; why it has usurped news to become the medium for dispersing information. 

Despite Facebook having more regular users than Twitter (the figures I read were FB being 20 times of Twitter!!), how come FB does not possess such powers? Prima facie, it (FB) is a social networking site and an entertainment medium through it's various Zynga games. However, it does offer a 'What is on your mind?' feature, allowing the user to share his/her thoughts/opinions/emotions. 

Many a times, I have used FB to communicate my views on various general/political/economical topics. I know many of my friends have done the same. Case in point is my stance against the 'Mumbai being Aamchi Mumbai' only in one language, Marathi. My status messages always reflect the same. (not everyday, but whenever the old information method, news, lets me know it is time!). 

I wonder whether I can send such strong messages through Twitter. I mean, on FB, I am within a selected group of people (never mind if it extends to 250+). But, I know, I am safe. Safe from vicious verbal attack, safe from having to enter into counter attack and then basically, thinking, why am I thinking, why am I tweeting!! 

Another thing, on FB, I share a lot of personal things through my status messages - quotable quotes from my son, my husband; my mood swings; my schedule........such mundane stuff at times, I am sure the lack of comments tell me, even my small group is not interested in it! The point is, I am not shy of writing and sharing. I don't need to think what someone would be thinking.......most times I do not even care whether they read it or not. 

Twitter says "What's happening?" amongst a group of unknowns. It signals to me, to share some 'happening' event/news/information. I am sure the many 'unknowns' reading it would not be interested in knowing about my family/me.......worst they might scorn me. They want to know about world at large, the larger issues of life.   The more 'happening', the better. From the more 'happening', the BEST!

For an ordinary user like me, FB works beautifully. With the great media hype, I think I am too small for Twitter. They say that there is safety in anonymity......I think there is safety in a closed group. There is also a comfort of remaining who I am. 

Here's to FB and it's powers to allow me to communicate as I am. 

Ciao

Hobbies and women

Hi, 

During our weekday chats, my best friend was telling me about her facing depression once, due to acute boredom. Basically, after marriage, she shifted to USA and was not working, did not have many friends, no internet etc etc etc.....Both of us discussed how these issues are now getting to be common in our generation. I mean, our mothers were housewives and they never mentioned getting bored, 'getting depressed' was something probably they still don't know! 

I guess my mother would have definitely got bored; I was born 7 years after their marriage (my brother later than me), Dad was travelling very frequently, no TV (anyways there was no cable connection those times), some friends. I wonder what she did the whole day? She used to keep herself busy with painting and embroidery. Being a trained commercial artist, I guess painting was not a problem for her. Embroidery was  something she learnt from her mother. 

I think a lot of women in her generation, got involved in embroidery, home decoration, knitting, such allied stuff; just to keep themselves busy. Depression, thus, kept itself totally at bay. However, our generation, could face this problem. My friends and I were always busy with studies; not that we were brilliant :):). We did not have time to cultivate hobbies, nor did we have an inclination for it! Somehow such stuff was scorned upon. 

Now that I am not working (or hardly working, sometimes working...), and my son goes to school for an extended time, I have too much free time on hand. That is when I really wish I had learnt some hobby, embroidery or painting or anything like that from Mom. It would not only have helped me pass my time, but would have been constructive also. My Mom still learns new hobbies; recently she learnt  chocolate making and candle making. And they say you can't teach an old dog new tricks!!! :):)  

I hope after my forthcoming India trip, I can return fully equipped with some hobby, to keep depression at bay! 

Ciao

Speak English, read English....

Hi, 

As usual, husband and I were having a discussion, this time, about English and it's importance. He was talking about his school days, when he did not have any command on the language; as a result, could not properly express his thoughts. This posed a problem for him, especially in exams, as he did not learn through rote, but through understanding. Belonging to a typical Hindi speaking household, in a small town, he did not have much exposure to English language per se; availability of children's books was limited, English TV programming absent; peers were more or less similar in their command......

Soon, he realized that it was important to learn to think in the language. That is when he started reading books. It is a different matter that those books were Hardy boys and Mills and Boon!! No one can label those as classics :):) His English improved and now (actually since many years now), his command of the language is superb; so is his vocabulary. He uses a lot of 'tough' words in routine sentences......they are tough, so I cannot remember them to give examples here :):) 

On the other hand, I was very fluent with English from childhood. I used to write poems and stories, at an early age, those used to get published in magazines.Strange actually how my English was good, because we spoke exclusively in Marathi at home; Punju Hindi with friends. I remember in 1st grade, the teacher had asked us all to speak only in English at home. I returned that day from school and followed her instructions. Mom was damn strict about speaking in Marathi at home; and before she let go her wrath on me, I revealed the teacher's instructions. Mom got wild, saying No way!! It is important to know your mother tongue!!! Grrrrr....

So how did I learn? I guess maybe because my father got me (and my brother) into the reading habit very early. I remember my first book....a mammoth fairytale stories book; which had uncommon fairytale stories (besides the regular Cinderella, Snowhite, Goldilocks). After the final exams got over, Dad, brother and I, used to go to Tekson's (a famous bookstore, those times Crossword) and buy books worth Rs. 1500. That amount was huge back then, now it is the equivalent of a per head dinner! Dad never used to blink an eyelid at the amount we spent on books. 

I guess, that is how my English became pretty okay....in fact, modesty apart, pretty good!! I have kept most of those books, in great condition. Mom does threaten to dispose them off......but I have kept them for my kid/s. (yes, in her house :):) )

I see many mothers struggling to teach English to their children. It is important I know, but probably, instead of rote, encouraging the reading habit could prove beneficial. Having said that, I hope when my time comes, I am able to inculcate the same in my son. Finally, those books would be brought to my house, Mom would be rid of them!! :):)

Happy reading :):)